


periwinkle.

by folkloeren



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, I guess songfic?, M/M, floriculturist au!!, should’ve been longer but i’m dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:46:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21636832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/folkloeren/pseuds/folkloeren
Summary: per·i·win·kle/ˈperēˌwiNGk(ə)l/noun; an Old World plant with flat five-petaled, typically bluish flowers and glossy leaves. some kinds are grown as ornamentals and some contain alkaloids used in medicine. neither blue nor violet, but something between the two; unique enough to win one of its own ranking. unique as kwon soonyoung.soonwoo!hanahakiau ; platonic!meanie ; mentions of seokchan and jigyu.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	periwinkle.

**Author's Note:**

> wELL HELLO!!!
> 
> ok so first of all english is my second language so may have been a lot of spelling mistakes here, since it’s he first time i’m actually writing so much in english shfjsigjegw **nervous laugh**
> 
> this is for my boo actually ;;; i’m a newbie carat so i’m also sorry if there’s members names mistaken!! i really did my best here
> 
> hope you enjoy it lol

Wonwoo wasn’t able to explain how it all happened. Sometimes he still found himself going to the camp, watching the fire burn the wood below it, remembering everything he lost in the period of a semester. How everything slipped through his fingers and how he was slowly and painfully dying.

He hated flowers. He hated them ‘cause they were the leading cause of the world mortality rate. No one knew when it started; when the first human found petals in food and puked a whole flower mixed with the own blood, but it happened anyway. The hanahaki was the huge enemy. When you fall in love and it’s not reciprocal, medicine give you two choices: either you die, either you take a surgery that can save you life, but of course, you’ll never feel love again.

Wonwoo had two best friends: Mingyu and Jihoon. They were inseparable even with the course difference. Until one day, Choi Seungcheol stepped his feet at the university and everything went to shit. S.Coups – how he wanted to be called – was pretty nice and sweet. The boy were in love with music and poetry, had a pretty smile and bright personality, so Wonwoo would never blame Jihoon for falling for the new guy. And he couldn’t blame S.Coups either, since it wasn’t the boy’s fault at all!  
It took some weeks, maybe less, when Jihoon started to puke yellow carnations; first, a shy petal, which made the small guy to believe it was just spring coming. But then, a huge flower, and that’s when he knew.

Jihoon didn’t want to die. Not for love. Not for anyone. So he made the surgery. A week later, he dropped the music course, ‘cause that’s the consequence of taking the hanahaki off your body: either you lose your life or you lose what motivates you to live. Jihoon was impulsive, and the worst part was not having felt the loss. He started medicine, since he was grateful for the doctor’s help and wanted to do the same for others. Wonwoo believes the only people in the world who wants to be hanahaki surgeons are the ones who lost their hearts and souls for the disease.

But if Jihoon waited a week longer, he would fall in love with someone new and would be loved in return. 

Mingyu’s disease skipped some parts, instead of showing itself shyly and small, it started already with bloody throat and coral roses. Jihoon weren’t there anymore, not emotionally, and it took the drastic measure for Mingyu to realize: he was desperately in love with the smaller one. Still, it was as impossible as flying pigs, and after the huge trauma, Mingyu decided to die. As the best friend, Wonwoo was there when the Kim puked his last rose, smiled for the last time and cried the rest of his lungs out. Death was terrifying, and no matter what the shitty psychiatrists said, you weren’t ready and would never be.

Wonwoo saw personally the two choices and hated them both so much he felt like he could invent a new side of hanahaki and perish that way.

He was all alone and couldn’t blame his “no longer there” best-friends. So instead, Wonwoo hated people like Hansol Vernon. The guy who used to study with Jihoon, and never had to puke one flower in his entire life, ‘cause the moment his eyes laid on the western redhead student, he fell in love and she loved him instantly as well. He hated Lee Chan for finding his own way. When the boy fell in love with Seokmin, he made the wise choice to try his luck, and as easy as breathing, the older suddenly were in love for every little part of “Dino” and they are probably the school’s loudest couple by now. 

So Wonwoo did his best to run away. The only company he kept close was his tabby cat, Jules. Love was out of his league since he was scared of the possibilities; his life seemed to be based on the hanahaki disease and never on the reciprocal part. So you can only imagine his surprise when he started puking not one but **two** types of flowers: the yellow carnations and coral roses. After some search, he found the meanings of each one, yellow carnations stands for rejection, while coral roses are the desire of love. Wonwoo was eager to realize hanahaki was such a plague, it wasn’t only about losing a romantical interest, it was about having your heart broken and no one who cared enough about it. Wonwoo wasn’t just _lonely_ , he was all _alone_. He’ve lost both of his bestest friends in the world, his only companies were Jules and the art books. He was dying out of friendship, and with some more researchers, Wonwoo found red geraniums, whose meaning was consolation. He’s not puking them, but it’s immensely hard to watch the prettiness of flowers when you’re expelling it with blood, and since he couldn’t love yellow carnations and coral roses, he found a new one to buy every day, to watch it perish along with him.

When the hanahaki appeared, everyone thought it was the end of floriculturits, you don’t want to buy what it’s killing you. No one buys a tumor per exemple, or cigarettes when dying for lung problems. But ironically, it is the golden age of flowers and the commerce of it. That’s why Wonwoo found himself walking to the new floriculture across the street of his small apartment. He opened the door lightly, hating how the bell rang, screaming his presence to everyone on the store.

People were too busy picking a flower by finger to even notice his presence, even with the alarming sound at the door. His heart broke a little more, and he coughed quietly.

As time was passing and he still couldn’t find the red geranium, everyone was leaving with a new flower and lesser money. So, being the only one left at the store, he, of course, called the attention of a smaller boy with fox’s eyes, pale skin and black hair. Wonwoo suddenly found himself staring, not to the sunflowers, but to the boy who seemed even happier than the yellow flower at the balcony. 

“Good morning! How can I help you?” His voice was sweet, yet loud, and a part of Wonwoo smiled internally remembering how Jihoon used to be.

“You wouldn’t have red germaniums, would you?” He asked with a much more strong and quieter voice. The attendance’s brows arched.

“That’s a pretty weird taste in flowers” he stated, walking to the end of the corridor. “Please, follow me.”

So Wonwoo did. Finding it hard not to follow, actually, if the boy haven’t asked, he would still walk along with him, curious about the smaller presence.

“Are the flowers for you or for a dying friend?” His choice of words left Wonwoo speechless. 

The black haired realized what he said and suddenly bowed a thousand of times as an apology.

“I’m sorry! I’m new at this, please don’t tell my superiors” and, for the first time in months, a smile broke Wonwoo’s serious expression.

“That’s ok, I understand. It’s for me, anyway.”

“Oh. We don’t have it” he said, and Wonwoo was dissappointed. 

“Like I said, germaniums are’t that common. It’s not their time of the year, I think it would be hard for you to find it.”

But, before Wonwoo could speak a sentence, the boy continued. He’s very talkative, the taller stated with his thoughts.

“Still, I think you shouldn’t get without a flower, so I’m showing you daisies! They mean kindness and innocent love, besides, their smell is sweet and can light up the mood! They’re my favorites, and I really think you should give it a try, since germaniums will only appear next month.” 

Wonwoo was at a loss of words since the boy talked so damn much. But, in the end, he accepted it with a shy smile, incapable of saying he only buys flowers to watch them die. As he was leaving the store with the new bouquet, the smaller figure suddenly said:

“Good luck, I’m Soonyoung by the way! Please call me next time” and as Wonwoo looked back to him, with a little daisy stuck behind his ear, he found himself with the urge of taking care of the new flowers.

Taking care of daisies were impressively hard. And even with all of the attempts of not letting them die, Wonwoo still couldn’t get the timing. Being a logical guy and not a nature one, he ended up giving to many water sometimes and forgetting to leave the flower at a sunny place. Only two weeks passed before the last petal fell to earth and Wonwoo pouted.

This time, he went at the floriculture with a mask. Coughing was more present and he didn’t want to scare anyone with his bloody hands. He scrachted his throat, unamused with how the simple act hurted profoundly.

“Soonyoung?” Wonwoo called as the bell rang.

Soonyoung ran with sweaty hair, his small fingers were a little dirty from taking care of flowers, yet, he had a pretty smile that made his eyes close.

“Hey there! How are you and the daisies?”

When Wonwoo bowed apologetic, Soonyoung got the hint. He waved his hand lightly, not giving that much attention.

“That’s fine, it’s hard to take care of daisies in the first try.” 

The pretty smile never left Soonyoung’s lips, he gave detailed instructions on how to treat daisies, the ammount of sun and water they needed and how to identify if the earth was dehydrated.

“I see daisies as very sensitive flowers” he started, as taking Wonwoo to the door. “Maybe you should also take care of your mood, your smile is too pretty to be so hidden.”

The red color went all Soonyoung’s cheek and he gulped, desesperatly opening the door and ignoring the bell’s existence.

Wonwoo turned back, looking at the boy’s face with a nod and a little smile at the the curve of his lips.

“I’m Wonwoo, nice to meet you” and he left.

Following Soonyoung’s advice, for the first time in months, Wonwoo actually left his house for more than studying. He gave himself a small look in the mirror, not fully enjoying the view, but no disliking it either. Jeonghan called him thousand of times to parties and bars, knowing fully well how depressed Wonwoo were after the sudden changes in his life. But Wonwoo wouldn’t call himself a depressed person, he was grieving and dying at the same time, and he never fell in love! It was expected to close the courtains of happiness and just watch movies with some homemade popcorn. He told himself it was ok, he wasn’t missing that much.  
But as Soonyoung talked about how his mood was killing not only him, but everything around him, Wonwoo had no choice but to accept Jeonghan’s invite. 

He was wearing some blue ripped jeans and a black leather jacket, Wonwoo watered the daisies before leaving his apartament with only his keys and wallet, not expecting to stay long.

Jeonghan promised it would be a simple stay home event, with some beer, french fries and hot cheetos. Of course, coming from Jeonghan, Wonwoo could also expect loud music, drunk bodies and, of course, a lot of people and ex-friends Wonwoo normally wouldn’t like to meet with.

He brought some orange juice, knowing it would be the only thing he would drink the whole night. The door of Jeonghan’s mansion was open; his parents were rich and paid for the kids’ school, also, they were traveling, which meant a stay home party at Jeonghan’s style.

The first thing Wonwoo saw was Hansol. He had brought his girlfriend and they were, actually, polite. Drinking less than everyone and talking with new people Wonwoo never saw in his life. Reminiscing the bitterness of Mingyu’s unrealized desire, Wonwoo went the other side. He regretted quickly. 

Seungcheol, who was normally happy and smiley, seemed uncomfortable and sad. Of course the news about Mingyu and Jihoon’s unrequited love spread fast. And of course, Seungcheol knew everything started with him. Ever since, he tried to reach Wonwoo. Maybe to apologize, or to talk about it, the ghosts who haunted both of them for months. But Wonwoo was quick to run; cause talking about it out loud would make everything real. Would make Mingyu officially dead, and Wonwoo officially depressed. He wasn’t ready to face these nightmares, yet, something about Seungcheol’s broken expression made Wonwoo walk through his worst fear.

“Hyung!” He says, with a fake smile.

S.Coups was surprised. He needed a few seconds to recompose his breath, before speaking those two words Wonwoo didn’t want to hear.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.”

Wonwoo’s face was unreadable, he kept all to himself, as it was a sin to let people know he was hurt and needed help.

“It’s not your fault, stop being guilty. Stop thinking I deserve apologies. I-” _miss you_. “Don’t want to talk about it right now. But I do have some orange juice, if you want to share.”

He showed the bottle full of orange liquid, smiling when S.Coups’ face lifted up with happiness and reliefe. A part of Wonwoo felt that way as well, and maybe, just maybe, he thought about taking his last moments like Mingyu did. Loving his best and doing a death list.

But as the older one poured some juice at the plastic cup, a voice cracked the music’s noise and made Wonwoo’s bones melt into jam.

“May i join you?” Asked Jihoon.

The worst part of the surgery was the Jihoon didn’t knew when he was undesired. Everything was awkward since last december, when Jihoon entered the hospital and his best part died there. Then, an evil voice whispered in Wonwoo’s ear, remembering him it was Saturday. The pizza day. Where Jihoon, Wonwoo and Mingyu used to go to the younger’s house, ask ten pizzas and eat them all. When they used to puke cheese and pepperoni, not flowers. Jihoon remembers everything but he can’t feel the joy along with it; he can’t feel the amazing friendship they had, it’s just a simple Saturday like every other, until the end of his life. So that’s when it came, like a tsunami at the beach, consuming everything with an anormal strength. 

Wonwoo’s body didn’t know which one to choose. S.Coups and Jihoon remembered him of yellow carnations, while their past friendship remembered him of coral roses. So he coughed them all, first petals, and then whole flowers falling through his fingers as he tried to cover it up. 

“I-I will bring some water” says Jihoon, while Seungcheol pats Wonwoo’s back.

Tears of physical and emotional pain sprouted from his eyes. It was like drowning, when your lungs beg for some fresh air and start to burn with metaphorical fire. Wonwoo hid his red face in his left shoulder, too embarrassed to look at S.Coups’ face.

“I’m not in love with Jihoon” it was everything he said, before getting up and leaving as fast as he could.

Mingyu once said, after Wonwoo asked him how he dealed with the pain of the rose’s thorns. Mingyu answered that when he felt like losing his throat, he entered a hot shower and stayed there until the water burned more than the puke.

So Wonwoo did it. He couldn’t see the difference between his own tears and the burning water. Red came out of his mouth along with flowers he hated so much it could kill him that night. Drowning in his own blood, he created his new and painful mantra: keep your feelings where they died; in your throat.

The next morning, Wonwoo grabbed the daisies and cutted them all with a blind scissor. It was raining when he decided to skip university and stay home, contemplating the pain of being alive and alone in such a beautiful day. He loved to see how the water fell from the sky, as if it was crying along with him. But Wonwoo, indeed, didn’t loved the view he was seeing from his window.

Soonyoung was just across the street, fighting the cold water to grab the delivery of new flowers. The boy seemed exhausted and sad, and Wonwoo didn’t knew what made him act that way. How his feet walked before he could think; and how he was now soaking wet trying to help the guy who keeps lying. Wonwoo sees the red geraniums arriving, and hears Soonyoung saying they’re not there yet. He still buys the daisies to see how the smile brights Soonyoung’s face, like if Wonwoo agreed on giving the black haired boy the world. 

“Here, I’ll help you” he said, surprising Soonyoung.

Half an hour passed and they were back at the floriculture, since it was Sunday and Soonyoung didn’t opened the store. He made both of them chamomile tea and talked lightly. Wonwoo felt the urge to made a ridiculous joke, hating himself the moment those words left his lips.

“It’s ironic to rain on a sun day” but Soonyoung laughed.

Wonwoo made a list of interesting things about the smaller one. First, he seemed to know everything about flowers and whose meanings; second, he laughed easily and talked a lot too. Yet, Wonwoo didn’t knew the basic about the floriculturist, like his surname or favorite color. If he liked cats and had a family living nearby, if he was older, studied, and other things you normally ask.

But Soonyoung had this strange aura; that implied you wouldn’t find anything out by asking, that you needed to live with him in order to know some scratches of him.

“Wonwoo” he called, taking the other from his deep thoughts. “What’s your favorite flower?”

And Wonwoo didn’t knew. He hated all of them, profoundly and with all his left strength. Carnations and roses were terrible, and as much as he liked the meaning of germaniums and the boy who recommended him daisies, he had no idea of his favorite flower.

“Do you wanna find out?” 

And with everything that implied Soonyoung, they had a very random, yet interesting walk through the store. Soonyoung pointed to dozens of different flowers, talking about its story and meaning, like a living walking dictionary – flowertionary. And Wonwoo chuckled with the brand new name. Soonyoung Flowertionary. 

“The periwinkle is the only one without a proper meaning” said Soonyoung, and Wonwoo stared at the white petals.

Soonyoung talked about the periwinkles and how they never lost their leaves. How mystical and special they are, ancients between the flowers. Wonwoo smiled wildly, touching the petals with amusement. 

“What are you doing?” Questioned Wonwoo.

“You’re taking care of my favorite flowers. So I’ll do the same with yours!” 

Wonwoo then remembered the cutted daisies, who didn’t do anything to deserve that. He cried inside, smiling outside in order not to let Soonyoung sad or disappointed. He couldn’t stop thinking in the periwinkles being perfectly cared, because it was Soonyoung.

And he couldn’t stop crying the moment he arrived home and saw the dead daisies. He lied to his only friend in months, he lied to his possibility of being happy again. For the first time since last december, Wonwoo grabbed his crayon, drawing Soonyoung all night long, in every angle and expression, liking the “Soonyoung in love” the most. 

He forced himself on going to the university next day. Ignoring the looks of the other students, thinking only on seeing Soonyoung at the end of the day. He also ignored S.Coups through the hours, hiding in bathrooms and escaping to the library when least expected.

Then, it was already 7PM and he could leave, walking to across the street of his apartment and entering the small space of the floriculture, he waited until Soonyoung wasn’t busy anymore with other clients, smiling around while touching the petals.

“Wonwoo, is everything ok?” He turned to see the smiling boy, and smiled back.

“Actually, everything’s great.”

“I’m glad to hear it! The store is already closing, if you want to wait on the back, we can talk more! And I’ll make you some tea.”

Soonyoung didn’t had to ask it twice, since in seconds, Wonwoo was already waiting patiently where the smaller boy asked.

It took some minutes before he was back, and nothing more than seconds before they were lying on the floor, telling each other jokes and confiding secrets. Soonyoung was patient and smart, he always seemed to know how to help and gave the best advices. Wonwoo found himself holding back the urge of talking about Mingyu hundreds of times.

“I’m going to tell you my secret as well” stated Soonyoung, and Wonwoo listened closely. “I can only see the blue color.”

Wonwoo was wonderstruck. He never imagined Soonyoung to be color blind, especially to see only one color. Since he always seemed to talk with such property about flowers and their respective colors. Wonwoo was only about to say something before couching, sitting straight while doing it, needing some air.

Soonyoung didn’t ask questions, instead, he helped Wonwoo to clear the blood on the floor and grabbed the petals. He then putted it on his tea, and drink it. Wonwoo was once again shocked, since it was something he always pictured himself doing. Drinking the flowers back, to die quickly.

“Do you want to see animes?” He asked, as if nothing had happened, and Wonwoo nodded positively, smiling grateful. 

The next day, Wonwoo was decided to take Soonyoung on a date. Even though it could seem weird to the smaller boy, due to Wonwoo’s medical condition, he still wanted to know more about the small boy with fox eyes and a pretty smile.

“Yes” said Soonyoung before Wonwoo could’ve asked.

“Excuse me?” Asked the other, confused about the greeting.

“You’re thinking about asking me out! And I’m saying yes. Isn’t that how these things work?”

Wonwoo nods violently and blushed. Soonyoung smiled before leaving the counter and then, the store. Wonwoo was confused about who would take care of the floriculture while they were absent, but since Soonyoung didn’t seemed to care at all, he agreed with leaving, hearing the doorbell behind him. 

“I have an idea” says Soonyoung. “To the date.”

“Since I’m the one who invited you, shouldn’t I be having the ideas?” Questioned Wonwoo, and Soonyoung made a measure with his hand.

“This kind of thought is antique. I have an idea and you don’t, so you’re following me.” 

Without any better answer, Wonwoo only agreeded in the end, following the small figure for what seemed hours of walking before they could arrive at the small beach. Wonwoo then remembered how he used to come there with Mingyu and Jihoon at the end of the year, and his throat scratched itself. Still, when he felt Soonyoung’s fingers intertwines with his, whatever it was the memorie, vanished.

They walked quietly in the sand, Wonwoo imagined how could Soonyoung enjoy the view by only seeing one color. And, as if reading his mind, Soonyoung said calmly:

“You don’t need to see it everything at conventional ways. Sometimes, it’s only the feeling that matters” then, he stopped, grabbing the right hand of Wonwoo, touching the skin lightly. “Did you know our hands talk a lot about us? Per example, you’re a very kind and amazing guy who suffered too much.”

Soonyoung whispered those last words, as if it was a secret of the two of them only. And Wonwoo couldn’t help but smile with the thought of sharing something with such a precious and unique person.

They went to the place Wonwoo always wanted to visit: behind the rocks. They were dangerous and slippery, since it was placed between the water. Wonwoo dreamed i’m going there, yet, none of his friends wanted to risk themselves that much. So he smiled the whole experience, especially when Soonyoung found a beautiful pearl and gave it to him. 

“What is this that I’m feeling?” Asked Wonwoo when they were returning to the sand.

“Maybe,” started Soonyoung, coming so close Wonwoo could feel his warm breath against the wet skin of his torso. “you like me. I think it’s called passion.”

Wonwoo blushed the whole travel back to the street, when the night fell amongst them, Soonyoung’s hair shined brightly, and Wonwoo couldn’t help but want to wrap his fingers on it and feel the texture. He also imagined if, maybe, he could…

“Can i paint your hair?” He asked, and Soonyoung smiled.

“What’s with the question?”

“Since you can only see blue, I imagined you never painted your hair. Can I?”

“Sure. Please choose the color wisely.”

And when they were arriving Wonwoo’s apartment and Soonyoung kissed him on the cheek, it was like being kissed by a soft breeze. So Wonwoo opened his eyes, and Soonyoung was gone, looking, once again, like the wind.

Three days passed since their first date and Wonwoo didn’t vomit once. Actually, he was feeling so good with himself he even started making friends again and leaving home ever so often he had to remember himself to study. Then, S.Coups was filled by curiosity and Wonwoo smiled, talking like a kid about Soonyoung and how the boy was amazing and interesting. Some months even, passed and the vomits were not half as frequent as they used to be, Wonwoo could’ve even think he wasn’t dying anymore.

“So, when we will meet the famous Soonyoung?” Asked Hansol, eating french fries, declining the chicken.

“When will you tell us about the reason of your sudden vegetarianism?” Provoked Jeonghan, drinking his soda.

“What’s the problem with wanting to kiss your girlfriend without needing to brush your teeth first?!” He defensively screamed, causing a burst of laughter.

Wonwoo felt happy for the first time in ages, and was relieved for Jeonghan, since he changed the subject like the snake he was. Minghao, the new chinese kid, even showed everyone some new steps, being followed by Chan, and the hyped screams of Seokmin only stopped when the neighbors knocked angrily at the door, desiring to sleep.

But the first hint came fast when Minghao fell in love with a classmate of Wonwoo on the art class, and needed to buy the girl flowers for their first date. Of course Wonwoo would go to his favorite floriculturist in the world to ask for advices, but Soonyoung never came, instead, they were attended by a sweet guy called Seungkwan. And he seemed to be as in love with his job as Soonyoung, still, he wasn’t Soonyoung.

Wonwoo ignored it anyways, still one day, he went to buy daisies for the first time after the incident with the scissors. He was alone this time, and Soonyoung appeared with his typical smile.

“Why didn’t you came to work last week?” He asked in a subtle way, but Soonyoung catched his thoughts easily, as expected.

“I’m just… Shy. I was scared of seeing your new friends” he confessed and Wonwoo arched his brows.

“Oh. That’s unexpected, taking in count how much you talk.”

Soonyoung laughed, and then, after Wonwoo buys the new bouquet of daisies, the boy followed him until the gates of his apartment at the other side of the street. 

“Do you want to come in?” Asked Wonwoo, and Soonyoung denies it shyly.

“I-I didn’t meant it that way! It was just to talk, maybe kiss, and see my cat! I swear!” 

With Wonwoo’s desperate state, Soonyoung laughed. Reassuring the other that it was just because he was running late, and didn’t thought about any other erotic thing.

“Actually” Soonyoung said before leaving. “I think I would probably talk with that friend of yours, Jihoon. I’m free tomorrow after work, find me at the beach.”

And with a blink of an eye, Wonwoo was alone again. He gulped harshly, since he never mentioned Jihoon’s presence to Soonyoung; most importantly, he had no idea how to bring Jihoon to the beach tomorrow. Wonwoo nervously passed his fingers through his hair, putting the daisies in a pretty vase and going to bed, he still couldn’t sleep even when Jihoon agreed with going to the beach after class.

Was he even ready to face it? Seeing Jihoon was already painful, but talking to him and showing the most important person in his life seemed to be impossible. Wonwoo was so caught up in thoughts, he didn’t realized that it was the first time he didn’t puked yellow carnations when thinking about Jihoon.

He barely studied that day, barely eated and talked, too scared to do it. Walking with Jihoon was uncomfortable, but the other didn’t cared, since he didn’t felt anything at all. Wonwoo felt his mouth waters in anxiety when going to the rocks, and when realizing this time, Jihoon wasn’t scared or curious, he was just following him simply.

A couple of minutes later Soonyoung appeared and Wonwoo’s face lighted up in relief. He straighted himself up, not realizing Jihoon’s confused stare.

“I’ve been trying to talk to you since forever” started Wonwoo. “And I never thought it would be by showing you my love, but life is strange right? So this is Soonyoung” pointed Wonwoo, feeling like a fool.

Jihoon’s face is blank as he stands up and touches Wonwoo’s shoulder. He gives it a grip before cleaning his throat and vocifering:

“There’s no one here besides me and you” Wonwoo chocked.

Indeed, when he turned back, Soonyoung was nowhere to be seem, instead of it, he was met with the cold breeze of the sea, just like the first kiss he received on the cheek.

“I’m sorry for our past, if that’s what you wanna hear. But please find yourself a doctor, imagine things it’s not healthy.”

And when the night came, Wonwoo was alone in his bed. Jules at his side, sleeping peacefully. Wonwoo only could think about how unfair the world was. When he finally finds new friends, he also realizes the crescent mental illness he acumulated between the almost one year after Mingyu’s death.

Mingyu. Wonwoo got off the bed and grabbed the daisies, not baring to look at them anymore. He went running to the cemitery, waiting until the gates were open by the morning, and visiting his friend.

Wonwoo skipped the funeral, and also, he never went to Kim Mingyu’s grave, it was too painful and he was too weak. But now, Wonwoo was there, kneeling his pajamas in dirt and putting the daisies carefully.

“I think I’m going crazy. I’m also sorry for taking this long. I hope you didn’t felt as lonely as I did.”

And he talked alone, since it was something Wonwoo was doing a lot these months. 

The next day, Wonwoo went to the hospital, in order to talk with a doctor about the past time, how he cured himself of the hanahaki disease and how crazy he thought he was.

“The mind is a powerful thing, Mr.Jeon” started the doctor, after doing a scan at both Wonwoo’s lungs and throat, to conffirms that, indeed, they were drastically wounded thanks to the disease. “I guess, since you were actually heartbroken over lost friendship, your underconsciousness invented an entity to help you get over it.”

Wonwoo listened carefully to the doctor’s words. How he was extremely sick, but it could’ve been reversed with new friendships and beginnings. Soonyoung was nothing more than his imagination, and even with the crescent sadness, he still was able to buy a bouquet of periwinkles with Seungkwan. After all, Wonwoo was still grateful and alive.

It was christmas when Wonwoo was with some of his friends at Jeonghan’s chalet. He had dyed his hair purple, almost grey, the colour in which he intended to paint Soonyoung’s hair. They lit a campfire and harassed marshmallows while telling embarrassing about past christmases. Chan was actually a little late, but any discontent left Wonwoo’s form when he saw the boy behind. 

“Well, hello! I’m sorry I’m late but Kwon Soonyoung couldn’t find his favorite hoodie” screamed Chan, pointing at the boy. “You guys know him right? He’s one of my dance partners at the university.”

Minghao then looked at Wonwoo with a burning curiosity, grinning as he asked to everyone to hear:

“Dude, isn't that the Soonyoung you couldn’t shut up about?”

**Author's Note:**

> OK SO:
> 
> 1- soonyoung being color blind and only seeing the blue color is a metaphor for wonwoo’s world. since his wonwoo’s underconsciousness and in wonwoo’s head things are blue (sad and confusing)
> 
> 2- when we dream with strangers, they’re not fully strangers. actually, your underconsciousness marks every person you’ve ever met in your life, like the mc donald’s attendant per exemple. since it’s a lot for our consciousness record, it stays under.  
> wonwoo remembers soonyoung because he always walked with chan, and since there’s a floriculture nearby his apartment, he pictures soonyoung there.  
> things like not knowing basic things about soonyoung, like the surname, were there because wonwoo didn’t knew those things, so his underconsciousness couldn’t apply it.
> 
> hope it’s not confusing ;;;;


End file.
